Beginnings, Endings, and Rituals: A Wedding Retrospective
…Part of my weekly series Sunshine with A Slant: Inspiration and Introspection…
One of my favorite Ron and Hermione moments in the Harry Potter series is when Hermione tries to explain to Ron the complex and conflicting emotions of intense happiness, sadness, guilt, and grief Cho Chang must be feeling towards her new romance with Harry. Ron responds with classic Ron disbelief. “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode.” Exasperated, Hermione shoots back: “Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have.” I find myself in a similar simultaneous stream of emotions caused by the weddings of my beautiful best friends sandwiching the end of my current romantic situation. In other words, I got dumped in between my best friends’ weddings. And to add insult to injury, I got dumped the day I went off my anti-anxiety meds and while also PMSing. Quite the trifecta. (The person doing said dumping was unaware of the last two facts and handled it maturely. There is no completely painless way to end something.) So much like Cho, I am incredibly happy for my friends, while simultaneously feeling sad, mourning the unused potential for something good romantically, and experiencing a whole host of post-medication side effects and PMS. Needless to say this has sparked a moment or two of introspection. I am blessed with wonderfully creative and artistic friends who have set the bar pretty high on creating intentional lives (and by extension weddings) that are reflective of their own desires not weighed down by dogma. So here are five modern dating and wedding rituals and the deeper meanings behind them that I’ve been thinking about lately.
Ghosting
In modern dating, sometimes the other party chooses to not formally end things. Instead they simply stop contacting you or asking to hang out. Quite frankly, I hate this. It seems like common courtesy and basic human decency to be open and honest with whomever one is spending time with. Closure is important and helps both parties move ahead on their respective journeys. I am thankful that this time around I was not ghosted.
Sliding into DMs
Another modern dating term that refers to sending someone a private message on a social media site like instagram with a thinly veiled hidden romantic agenda. It’s a pretty low risk way of opening a door and seeing what’s inside. It’s how my last amorous association began and although it ended quicker than I wanted I don’t regret making the first move and sliding into those DMs after he started following me and liking my posts on instagram. So go ahead and send that cute person you always wanted to get to know better a message. Who knows where it will lead to?
Bridal Bouquet Toss
This is the worst wedding reception tradition ever. I am completely thankful for my non-traditional artist friends who did not subject me to this. I mean let’s gather all our single friends who are already being reminded of their relationship status by just attending this event and probably had to endure uncomfortable small talk with Aunt Irene about it and throw dead flowers at them. Perhaps you have a single friend who is longing for a relationship, or a friend who recently went through a break-up, or a friend who is happily single but sick of rationalizing it to the outside world. None of those people want to dance to Beyonce’s Single Ladies, pretend to laugh as you do a couple of fake throws, and try to catch a bouquet. This tradition began in England where brides were believed to have good luck. In an attempt to have some of the bride’s luck for themselves, guests would try to rip part of the wedding gown or bouquet. Brides began to throw their bouquets as a way to avoid this situation and get away.
Freezing Cake and Saving it for the First Anniversary
This tradition just always seemed like a recipe for food poisoning to me. I love cake but fresh cake, not freezer burned year old cake. But if you wanna try it I say go for it. This tradition also comes from England. When Queen Elizabeth married Prince Phillip, their multi-tier cake was used for a purpose: one layer for the wedding, one layer for a gift, and the third for a special future occasion. It was always hoped that the special occasion would be the baptism of the first child. No pressure couples but like get on the baby making. If not, let them eat cake I guess.
Veils
Veils have a deeper meaning beyond being pretty and fun to twirl in. I just learned they actually started out red in Roman times and were called a flammeum. These red sheets would cover the bride from head to toe in order to make her look like she was on fire and scare off any evil spirits. This I can get behind. It’s sort of Katniss Everdeen chic. Unfortunately, this tradition morphed over the years into misogyny. Women were viewed as the property of their fathers and the veil served as a way in arranged marriages to hide the bride from the eyes of her future husband until he made his marriage vows. This way the groom could not back out. The bride was now his property and his problem. No thanks for this part of the tradition.
The Bottom Line . . .
As I work through this slightly bumpy period of life, I want to move forward with intentionality and empathy. I want to feel all my complicated feelings and continue to create the life I want. So I’m off to eat peanut butter cookies and watch some trashy reality television then take the world by storm.
Need More Inspiration?
Check out:
Ted Lasso: A Win for the Good Guys
Author Elise Hooper: Filling My Dear America Series Void
